The Reciprocal Power of Presence
Often I feel that our greatest moments can be while sharing presence with another; not only having physical proximity, but time spent together being a container for a vulnerable, nonjudgmental, free-flowing dynamic. Holding space for the experience of one another — which in turn, gifts us sacred space for our own selves.
Holding space means holding another beyond a physical holding…sometimes even beyond verbal language. There are many capacities of holding space, but it usually implies nonjudgment, minimal to no interruption, withholding unsolicited advice, and a conscious opening toward the other person. When I hold space with someone during a grief massage, for example, often I remain quiet if the individual receiving is feeling emotional. I consciously refrain from offering any platitude (“everything happens for a reason”) or consolidating words. Instead, I just pause with my hand resting on their arm and allow them the space to be in their emotion.
What’s special about being present with someone and holding space is that you don’t have to be perfect, or have a certain education, or have mastered anything — it’s an ongoing experiment in our humanity to just be with someone. The more we practice this, the more conscious and open moments we share with another — whether intentionally holding space, or quietly walking in the woods together with a friend, or being the one to share with a trusted someone what’s on your heart — the more we ourselves unfold and open to the true experience of our lives. We can be present with our emotions, our body language, and familiarize with a sense of hope.
This is why we need community. Community, to me, is where we find paths to hope in a safe environment. This doesn’t necessarily mean constantly being around others — I’m an introverted introvert! But I have my people around whom I can be my sensitive and more quiet self when I need to feel connected, and I have my work of massage where I am able to practice holding space for others from all walks of life. I also consider my dog, and sharing a home and life with her, to be an integral part of this connecting circle.
To have that — giving and receiving acceptance, taking up and offering space in community — renews a sense of hope in myself, over and over. It ripples throughout my days and my life and continues on in others when my heart opens toward theirs.
